Stop Blaming Your Parents

Have the Audacity to Live Your Best Life

It is time to let go of the blame – your parents did the best they knew how. It is so easy to point the finger but have you ever looked at life through their eyes? How did they grow up? What was their childhood like? What did they carry forward in life? What were their struggles when you were young?

I am not saying that we should condone bad behavior but sometimes when we step back we start to see a different picture. Your mindset is the lens through which you see the world. A simple shift in perspective can change your entire reality. At least, it did for me.

I learned information I didn’t know as a child, and once I began looking at life through their eyes, I had a better understanding of who they were as people. Try putting yourself in their shoes for a moment.

Maybe it changes nothing, but perhaps it changes everything.

When I trace my pain back to childhood, it is easy to understand why I thought it was all their fault. “If they hadn’t done this, that wouldn’t have happened” or “If they had treated me differently, my life would have turned out better”. Your parents had their reasons for the decisions that they made in their lives.

What happened to me wasn’t their fault – it was a consequence of being put in that environment. But no one could have predicted the outcome – they were just doing what they thought was best at that time.

And while it is true that our upbringing shapes us – sometimes in profoundly painful ways – healing begins when we stop blaming and start understanding, accepting, and forgiving.

Our parents were our first teachers. They taught us how to love, how to cope, how to see the world – but only through the lens they had. They didn’t arrive into parenthood as enlightened beings – they came carrying their own wounds, often unspoken and unhealed. They raised us based on what they were shown themselves, which was all they knew.

Survival, not softness.

Control, not compassion.

Fear, not freedom.

We may never know the full weight of what they carried. The childhoods they endured. The burdens they silently wore. The emotional tools they didn’t have. The same goes for each of us and our own children – will they ever really know your truth?

When we hold onto resentment, it keeps us tethered to the very pain we wish to outgrow. But when we choose compassion – when we recognize that maybe, they, too, were doing the best they could – we create space for our own healing.

Staying in blame keeps us stuck in the past, and your body holds onto those negative emotions and creates illness. Healing doesn’t mean condoning everything that happened. It means taking responsibility for our own growth and evolution.

Forgiveness is not about denying the pain or pretending it didn’t matter. It’s about freeing ourselves from the grip it holds on our hearts. It’s the quiet decision to stop carrying what was never ours to hold in the first place. Forgiveness means you are choosing to heal from the old wounds and give your parents, and yourself, some grace – they are only human, just like you.